The happenings of 2006 - extended version

as promised, here's the fleshed out version of my life this year... actually, more than that, it's a reflection of my time living in nyc - which, quite amazingly, has passed by with a blink of the eye... ok, ok, so this is really cheesy, but i actually came up with 10 sub-categories pretty easily, so i'm just going to run with it. ;) so here goes!

Thankfulness Countdown, 2006

10 My Graduation - after 4 lonnnnng years, the last of which was my favorite by far (if i could be a professional 4th year med student, i'd do it in a heartbeat. ;), i finally graduated. hooray! :) my favorite pictures are the ones of my mom and dad trying on my cap and gown, though, heh heh. :)

i had my graduation dinner with four of my med school buddies - carolyn, cindy, jason, and steve. i just heard recently that carolyn and jason, who are doing their internships out in LA, are finally a couple - woo hoo! :)



These four years were realllly long - filled with ups, downs, tears, and laughter. it's one of those things where i'm really glad i went through it, but i wouldn't want to do it again! i'm really thankful for all my role models - Dr. Bogdonoff, Dr. Konopasek, Dr. Mtui, Dr. Ogedegbe - whose passion for teaching, for medicine, for ethics, and, most importantly, for patients continues to inspire me.

annnd, of course, the cool and random resources this school has - like this winter wilderness/emergency medicine training program i got to go on. of course, it was the only time that i thought i was going to shake myself to death via shivering, but it was also one of the most memorable moments of my life - snowshoeing, riding the zipline (a redeeming moment for me - i was one of the few kids who didn't make it up to the zipline in 6th grade, and i always felt marked as a failure... but yay! God gave me an opportunity to erase that wound. praise Him! :)

9 the residency whirlwind and the infamous MATCH... i once told a friend who, in good faith, advised me to "consider all specialties, including radiology," that "i will never do radiology" . ha ha, last laugh on me. i finally decided last april that i was going to spend the rest of my working life in a dark room - heh heh. this decision in itself was a difficult and drawn-out one - i honestly didn't expect it, as i came to medical school expecting to be dr. macgyver, out in the woods, practicing with one syringe and a small bag-ful of medicines. i questioned my motivations repeatedly, but what God wanted, what i wanted, all culminated in this decision.

so, i will be heading to massachusetts general hospital to complete my radiology residency this coming July (all God's doing as well. i was really resistant to going there for some reason. then, of course, my mom says, "well, since you have such a bad impression, why don't you give it a chance so you can see if your conclusions are valid?" sooo, i went for an elective. and know what? i loved it, of course. the attendings and residents were all so smart AND yet SOO down to earth. then, i serendipidiously got to work closely with some of the top people in the department and program - who still remembered me when i came back to interview like 4 months later! in fact, 2 of my 3 interviews were with faculty who i had already worked with. what, . 4 more long years ahead of me, back in Boston, for which i have mixed feelings of apprehension and excitement. :) i know God has a plan to prosper and not to harm me, but the unknown is always a bit scary. help me, God, to dive straight in - because i know you are waiting on the other side for me! :)

8 Internship at Lenox Hill... i thank God most days (heh heh) for placing me at Lenox Hill - i really do love it. i enjoy my co-workers, i love the ancillary staff, i adore the nurses...
i'm learning a lot too - not only medical knowledge, but about how to navigate people, situations, and myself. last week, though, i was starting to feel a little short on empathy. in the beginning, no matter what a patient would say, i would be all there, trying to rectify every little situation. however, now, i often shrug and move on. i was disappointed at how quickly i've become jaded - although maybe my resident is right - it is just a defense mechanism (that doesn't make it ok though! ;) a co-intern once said, "patients care about three things: poop, sleep, and food. if you keep them happy in those three areas, they hardly complain." i would say that's true about 75% of the time. i've got about 4 months left until i get a true vacation, and i will need God's grace more than ever to get through until that time. Lord - i am at the end of me, but Lord, help me to remember Your promise - that You are at my workplace already - i simply need to join You there in what You're already doing!

my awesome co-interns like rachel (isn't her daughter josie soooo cute!? :) and liza keep me sane at work. :)

7 Biking Adventures... :) sooooooooo, i bought a bike this year, and i love it. love it love it. i had one biking trip with my friend across manhattan to buy tickets at lincoln center my first year in medical school. it scared me so much i swore i would never do it again. welllll, now i've totally rebounded. :) i want to do a bike tour before i leave nyc, but i'm not sure that's going to happen. oh well! it was worth getting anyway. my favorite trip thus far was biking across the GW bridge - i felt like i was flying! :) annnnnnnd, even the court expereince was ultimately good - not only for again, humbling me, but also for helping me to understand a tiny smidgen of what it feels like to stand in judgment...

ok, ok, so there is somewhat of a personal agenda in me putting up this picture again, but you'll have to excuse my one little bit of propaganda... ;)

i LOVE, the GW bridge!

one of our crazy rides to brooklyn...

our bikes! :) mine is red, angie's is blue

6 Retaking Anatomy... the way my schedule worked out i had pretty much April on free. i had considered going on a international elective, but then i felt like God telling me to stay in NYC. i'm sooo glad i did, because i had the priviledge of working with the first year class for four months as they blasted through anatomy. i thought i would like teaching, but i never expected to love it so much. call me weird, but i had such a fun time spending hours in the lab, prepping, teaching, reviewing, and, most of all, getting to know all the students. :) they were a blast! :) plus, learning from Dr. Mtui was definitely a valuable experiences in itself... as well as goofing off with Mike, Charles, and Crandell. :) watching my students learn, enjoy learning, and excel gave me soooo much joy -i want to spend my life teaching!

5 Spiritual food... i've been totally spoiled this year - by sooo much good teaching, and actual time to go receive it. first and foremost, Redeemer. not only Pastor Tim Keller, but also his wife Kathy, all the support Pastoral Staff, the Counseling center, and other volunteer School of Gospel Foundations teachers. i've lost track of everything i attended this year - a counseling seminar on resolving conflict, gender roles talk by Kathy Keller, Paige Brown's 7-week Biblical History class (where i also got to meet Sharon Sayre - a co-YWAMer, whose third sentence to me (after "hi" and "how are you") was "what's God doing in your life now?" - i didn't even know her name until like week 3 or 4! ;), the fellowship group leader's training course, the Gospel and the Community seminar by Tim Keller, and medical fellowship talk about death and dying... then i finally joined Bible Study Fellowship this year. i caught the tail end of Genesis, which was very good - but this year's Romans study has been phenomenal - helping me to claim the victorious life that God has already won for us through the cross and His resurrection. thank you, God, for all this Spiritual Food - but with all this knowledge comes soo much responsibility. help me, God, not to be the guy James talks about - who looks in the mirror and forgets what he looks like when he looks away. help me, Jesus - to live out Your Word, and to worship you in Spirit and in Truth!

4 catching up... This year I have also had the chance to revisit with old friends. MIT and my college years seem so faraway now – and I am a really different person. my relationship with my college friends as also changed and matured - they are all such amazing people, and i feel so lucky to know them! The cool thing is, we have all changed, yet when I am with them it feels as if nothing has changed. :) I imagine it will be the same way when we are 50 or 80 years old!

i went to a conference in San Diego, so i got to see Yining and Vivian. :)

Judy came for a wedding over Labor Day weekend, and we got to hang out. we went to see Avenue Q - sooo hilarious, i would definitely recommend it for any young, single person, especially if you live in NYC! :)

Elisa came to visit me at the hospital on Thanksgiving Day. :)
Angie (MIT) also came to visit and stayed over with me (don't have pictures :( ) - but i'll get to hang with her for SURE next year in Boston. :)

3 a home in NYC... Madelene L'Engle wrote in her book on friendship a quote that goes something like this, “I need all my friends in the world, because they each complete me in a little different way." Thank you, my dear, dear friends - for sharing with me the love of Christ!

andddd, thank you God for my apartment. i love it sooo much. even though it devours my salary, it is exactly what i hoped for - a place to bless, to bring together, and to love on God.

2 Dad, Mom, Jai, Berhan, Kaitlyn, Brandon, and Karynna... :) i've been through a couple of stages the past two years. first, i had to grow up and become my own person. that required a painful cutting of the umbilical cord from my parents (at the age of 26! aiyah! :). but now, i think our relationship is much healthier, and i also realize how lucky i am to have parents who love me unconditionally and always support me. my sister is my greatest fan and my hero. :) and my bro(-in-law) - who i've known since i was 12 - and who can commisserate with me about the frustrations of medicine :). my best buddy kaitlyn - who never fails to make me feel special. and brandon, who smothers me with hugs and kisses. last but not least, karynna - who finally looked at me last month in the eye, cocked her head, and said, "ah ee?" (chinese for "aunt"). i almost cried. luv u all, my dear, dear family! :)

1 My Lord, Savior, and Best Friend, Jesus Christ, who never ceases to amaze me. ok, ok, so this sounds really cliche - but it's TRUE! hee hee. if you had asked me back 5 years ago if i thought my relationship with God was still pretty superficial or if i was unhappy or if i was immature, i would have said "NO" to all three... yet looking back, now that i know Jesus more as my Lover, that He has helped me to claim the freedom He bought for me, and that He has repeatedly humbled me, my perspective is much different... and what excites me even more is that 5 years from now, i'll hopefully look back and say the same thing. :) yayyy, freedom in Christ! in my heart rings the cry of Reepicheep (the mouse) in The Last Battle (by C.S. Lewis) - "Higher up, and further in!" Yes Lord, here i come!

MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

loved

Connie


She is my Constance. Solid in her love for me.

I wouldn't want her any other way.

Her constancy is her strength. Her joy is her strength.

It solidifies her stance.

I don't expect her to run; I want her to stand.

That is her battle.

Where I ask others to fall or sprint, I expect her to stand.

Remain in me, my Constance.

I don't want spectacular exploits, I want you.

You are my treasure and my prize.

You are who I died for.

It's you I want.

My bride.

$75 richer

soooo, today i finally went to court. for those of you who haven't heard, way back at the end of october, i got a summons for biking on the sidewalk. i was on my way to flushing center for some yummy food and groceries, and once again my trip was ruined (the first time, i forgot my wallet. i think God is trying to tell me something here, hehe heh. ;). i actually had stayed on the road the whole way during that last scary segment between shea stadium and arthur ashe stadium. at the very last stretch, there was some construction in the middle of the road and a loader on the right side of the road, right next to the sidewalk. a car was honking me like crazy from behind, and, fearing for my life, i got onto the sidewalk. a short while later, i heard a siren - at first, i didn't realize it was for me, but then when i saw them waving wildly at me, my heart sank... then began to pound wildly.

i can't say this summons wasn't well-deserved. granted, in this situation, it was a trap and definitely a dangerous situation for me. however, i know i've been biking recklessly - speeding through lights and all, and i really think it's God's mercy that i got this warning before something happened to me.

of course, i was misinformed about my summons multiple times before finally, everything was settled today. the police-woman who gave it to me told me that i could go to court any day after ~1 week from the day i got the summons. WRONG. then i called the court a gazillion times. the first time they told me it would take 2 weeks to pop up. then 3 weeks. then a month. finally after 5 weeks my summons showed up on their files. the guy on the phone told me i could go any day up to one week prior to my court date, dec 8.

so in the middle of nov, when my rotation was pretty light, i went allll the way out there. that first time i really was pretty nervous. it was raining that day, and as i stood out there, at 8AM, in line with all these people in wifebeaters and smoking cigarettes, i realized one thing: no matter what i thought, in the eyes of the court, i am the same as these people. even more hilarious was the line of couples getting married to the right of us... so after an hour of waiting, i was told to go home and to come back WITHIN one week of my court date. *sigh*

today i went back. i was a lot less nervous. an attending doctor at my hospital basically told me that i would have to pay $100 fine, and although i wasn't ecstatic about it, i knew i was being disciplined by God, and i was just ready for it to be over with. the weather was nice today, and i got there ~8:30pm. the session didn't start until almost 10pm. i understood more deeply what it means when paul says that when we break one part of the law, we break the whole law - because a criminal is a criminal.

so after a series of people who had been summoned for reckless driving and public urination and having an open container of alcohol, i stepped up to the bench. i was sooooooooooo nervous all of a sudden, i could hardly talk or breathe. my heart was poundly wildly, and although i had rehearsed the scene a hundred times before, only a jumbled bunch of words came out of my mouth.

i am SOOO glad i don't need to stand before God in judgment. if THIS was bad, i can hardly imagine what it will be like on Judgment Day. Thank God - for He looks at me, and sees the blood of Christ. i don't have to answer for my crimes - i CAN'T! i am UNable! but hooray! i am free! :)

"$25" - the judge says. "ttttThtttank you," i stammer before i skip back to my seat. :) i paid several minutes later, and by 10:30 i was back at work. again, i am thankful, not only because i am $75 richer, but also because i needed a warning to bike safer. PLUS, all the studying of romans really has sunk in... as well as this passage from II Cor 5, one of my favorite parts of the Bible:

1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight. 8We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

11Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

i love this passage, because paul so poignantly and poetically summarizes the gospel in a few verses. i am reconciled to Christ - thanks be to God! :)

sap

once in a while i get into these moods where i'm really into these sappy romances. this song has been stuck in my head for the past week and has, as eliza doolittle would say, "done me in." ;) tee heee...

the scary part is now i'm the age where these artists are younger than me - augh! ;)

北極星的眼淚

像斷了線 消失人海裡面
我的眼終於失去 你的臉
再等一會 奢望流星會出現
願 如果真的實現
愛能不能永遠
明天 或許來不及變
但曾經走過的昨天 越來越遠
北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念
原來我們活在 兩個世界
北極星的眼淚 你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言 淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著 愛不見

當對的人 等不到對的時間
就在放開雙手的瞬間 愛撕成兩邊
北極星的眼淚 說不出的想念
原來我們活在兩個世界
北極星的眼淚 你哭紅的雙眼
被淋濕的諾言 淹沒在心裡面
我抬頭看著 愛不見
整個宇宙都 流眼淚

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0brIxXWETQ

Bonhoeffer...

"To everyone God is the kind of God he believes in.

Judgement is the forbidden objectivization of the other person which destroys single-minded love. I am not forbidden to have my own thoughts about the other person, to realize his shortcomings, but only to the extent that it offers me an occasion for forgiveness and unconditional love, as Jesus proves to me...

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are. But in the love of Christ we know all about every conceivable sin and guilt; for we know how Jesus suffered, and how all men have been forgiven at the foot of the cross. Christian love sees the fellow-man under the cross and therefore sees with clarity."

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"Be the change you want to see in the world." ~Gandhi